I wrote this song before and after one of the worst anxiety attacks of my life. The first verse or so came to me on the F train, coming home from Gowanus, Brooklyn. And then the rest came to me very quickly, almost 24 hours later, when I was back in my body.
It was the first time that I had really, really intense physical anxiety that wasn’t accompanied by depression. They are the best of friends, depression and anxiety. I’m not used to seeing one without the other. It was the first time in my life that I was this anxious about good things.
I wrote out a whole essay about the inspiration behind this song and what was going on while I wrote it — and then I deleted it. I feel like I just want to let it speak for itself first.
You’re also, as always, welcome to read the lyrics as a poem first, or instead.
Who I had to be to be with you is who I am no longer
We had some good times but now it’s time I start running further
You and I, we’re standing still
The water’s fine and even still
The waves are calling, so I won’t be calling you anymore
